Body image issues plague women today. Rare are the women who can look you in the face and tell you they think that they are beautiful. Few are the women who can say “I love my body and everything about it.” It’s a tragedy. It’s a shame. And we perpetuate this because our daughters see us lamenting our bodies. I grew up with my mother constantly on diets. Even when I was thin enough to have people ask about having an eating disorder, I never felt like I was good enough.
If only I were thinner/curvier. If only my legs were longer/shorter. If only my hair were thicker/thinner.
I wish I had skin/hair/eyes/teeth/legs/arms/eyebrows like yours.
We are never satisfied.
Let me say this. You’re all beautiful.
If you are thin because of genetics or you are thin because you’re depressed and not eating or you are thin because of a health issue or you are thin because you work your ass off (literally) to stay there. You’re beautiful.
If you are heavy because of genetics or you are heavy because you’re depressed and eating too much or you are heavy because of a health issue or you are heavy because you don’t have TIME to work your ass off. You’re beautiful.
I am tired of the body shaming. The fat and skinny shaming we do to ourselves and what we do to others.
Bloggers on the internet talking about how “Fat” is a size 12, 14 or 16. You know sizes get higher than that, right?
Have you ever had a salesperson look you up and down and arch their eyebrow when they tell you “nothing here will fit you?”
Have you ever had a waiter give you a smug smile after you order dessert? In such a way that you suddenly feel guilty for indulging?
Have you ever knocked something off the aisle in the grocery store with your ass?
Have you ever had an unfortunate summer wardrobe choice and end up getting home with your thighs and/or arms chafed so badly that you have wounds?
When trying on wedding dresses, the store owners flitted around me—TERRIFIED that I would actually try to zip up one of their samples. They made me hold the dresses up in front of myself instead. “I’m sure we can order a plus size, but we can’t risk damage to the sample. You get the idea, right?” It was even more humiliating when they showed me how one was going to define my waist.
Of course it did, you jerk. My waist looks great if we pretend I’m a size four. I’d love to suck in ten inches. I’d love to Spanx away 100 pounds.
Why should this happen?
To those of you who do shame fat people, let me ask you something. Do you think we don’t know? Do you think that when we’ve been forced into stores that carry sizes that are artfully masked to help us not feel so terrible about ourselves that we think that we’re not overweight? That somehow, your reminder is useful to us?
Is it necessary to call me a cow when I walk past you? To show off in front of your “bros?” Do you think I don’t speak enough Spanish to know that’s what you said? Do you?
Is it necessary to roll down the window of your car to yell out to me while I am walking to my car to tell me that I am fat and ugly? Did that make your day better?
Thanks. I didn’t know. I didn’t feel it already.
Did you see me at the gym, trying to do better? Did you see me order a non-fat latte to try and save calories? Have you been there in the restaurant when I’ve asked them to prepare my meal without the butter?
You don’t know me.
I remember what it was like to be a size six. I wish I still were. But we get older. Things happen. Children happens. Work happens. Life happens.
The same cruelty exists for women who are too thin. Surprisingly, I’ve been at both sides of this spectrum. It’s just as cruel for someone to ask you if you have an eating disorder. For people who are heavier than you to tell you that you need to eat a sandwich.
You look like you should eat something.
Are you okay? Are you sick?
We shame each other. Cruelty is common.
It needs to stop.
This culture of never feeling good enough, this perpetual cycle of trying to be something other something better something different than who we are…. It needs to stop. We need to focus on kindness. We need to focus on what’s inside.
Smile at someone. Tell them to have a nice day. Offer a compliment.
Tell yourself that you are beautiful.
Stop spreading the ugliness.
Stop calling yourself fat.